Love Is In The Air

It seems it's become popular to refer to Valentine's Day as "Singles Awareness Day." IT doesn't really make sense to me to be so bitter about a date-I'm QUITE aware that I'm single every day. Today means a lot less people at Zumba tonight, 50% off chocolates tomorrow, and to top it off, I can buy myself whatever Valentine I want. If that's not a reason to celebrate, I don't know what is.

A year ago tomorrow, I found out my husband was planning to file for divorce, and moving out the following week. I think it's safe to say that even though I'm single today, my heart is full of so much more joy and love than it was this time last year.

Love should be celebrated daily, I'm a firm believer in that. But I also love the idea of days like today-days to shower your loved ones, whether it be your mom, boyfriend, girlfriend, cousin, best friend, or even your dog, with affection. Love is not about your relationship status because love exists in every form.

So find somebody to love today-whether it's a stranger on the street that looks like they need a smile, or even yourself, because you deserve a little pampering. (And yes, single ladies, I do believe Valentine's is a great excuse to eat copious amounts of chocolate while watching shirtless Ryan Gosling do the Dirty Dancing move in Crazy Stupid Love.)

I thought I'd leave you today with a few of my favorite thoughts on love-for everybody from single people to married people. (all from Pinterest, of course.)

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And last, but not least, a quote from Gordon B. Hinckley:

“I am satisfied that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. Any man who will make his wife’s comfort his first concern will stay in love with her throughout their lives and through the eternity yet to come”


Happy Valentine's Day!
{And happy birthday to the state I love the most-Arizona}

two thousand twelve and a trip

Remember how my new years resolution was to enjoy life more? And really to just be more fun? DONE.

On New Years Eve, I bought a cute new sweater and got ready to go to a few parties I'd been invited to. I ended up staying at my friends house all night and didn't go to a single one.

I woke up the next day, and got ready for church, and couldn't stop thinking about how lame I was the night before, and how that completely contradicted everything I wrote about in my last post. I sent my friend Mallory a text, "I wish we could do something crazy today."

She texted back right away, "Like ditch church and go to Disneyland??" This is why she's my best friend.

After a short conversation via text that consisted of her trying to convince me to really go, and me making up excuses, I finally bit the bullet, changed out of my dress, sent my mom a text that I was leaving, threw a change of clothes in a duffle bag, and we left.

{cell phone picture on the highway, don't judge}

I had to be back for work on Tuesday, so Disneyland was out of the question. Our hotel was literally half a mile away. So close, yet so far. My heart wept a little bit. But we settled for some overpriced pizza and ice cream in Downtown Disney for dinner.

The next morning, we headed out to Rodeo Drive. {I took a couple of classes from the owner of a salon there, and have wanted to go ever since.}  It was pretty much everything I dreamed of and more. We stopped and got manicures at a little shop.

 Everybody that knows me knows I have an obsession with cupcakes, so when we passed this shop, I insisted that we stop.

 {I got the cupcake on the left just because it was named Elvis. It was banana and peanut butter, which was Elvis' favorite sandwich.}

I saved the Elvis cupcake for my mom, and ate the brownie cheesecake one. I'm not lying when I say it surpasses any cupcake I have ever tasted in my entire life. And I've tried a lot of cupcakes in a lot of different places. If you're ever in LA, GO. (Or order one online, here.)

 {that's my new sweater. I love it more than I've ever loved an article of clothing.}

We stopped at Desert Hills Outlet Stores on the way back, and I got two ridiculously cute Volcom purses and a Volcom wallet for $35 dollars.

Although the trip was only 30 hours, it was just what I needed to kick off 2012 and make me even more excited for what this year can bring.

So this is the new year..

I'm not usually one for New Year's resolutions. The way I see it, if I'm going to resolve to change, or to do something spectacular, I shouldn't wait for a specific day to do so.

Yet as the end of the year comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on this past year, and letting my imagination wander to what I want next year to bring.

I know that I want 2012 to be starkly different from 2011. I spent much of this year in a daze, trying to sort things out and learning to live a life I never thought I'd know. I know that the topic of my divorce is a tired one and you're all probably as sick as I am of beating the dead horse. But it would be impossible to illustrate why and how 2012 will differ from this year without bringing it up. A large part of my life centered around that particular event this year. And I don't resent that. It was necessary.

But it's time to move on.

A quote I read on twitter today sums up perfectly the manner in which I wish to live my life this upcoming year:

"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be." -Elizabeth Gilbert

I'm ready to be my crazy, happy self again-perhaps a {very} refined version of the high school Heidi that would do anything on a dare, sing without caring who could hear, and did anything for a laugh.

 In 2012, as cliche as this will sound, I just want to live. I don't want to look back, like I am now, and wish that I had just paid the $50 to see that band I've always wanted to see. I want to make as many friends as possible, and go on last minute trips to Disneyland. I want to look back at this second chance I have to be a single young adult, and say, "That divorce may have been hell, but I sure had a lot of freaking good times to make up for it."

David Bowie said it best:

 Have a happy new year.

A family poem.

Every year at Christmas, my dad writes a peom about the things the family did that year.
So far he hasn't, so here's my rendition. Merry Christmas!

Twas the night before Christmas, and in the Selover zoo,
Every creature was stirring- yes, even the Moo.

The presents were wrapped, the stockings laid out,
While everyone did last minute running about.

As always, Christmas is a time to reflect
On the things this year brought that we'll never forget.

Bob and Jan can be found in the ward on the reservation,
Almost daily they serve with no hesitation.

In fact, they spend so much time at the Papago Ward,
They're hardly ever home, there's no time to be bored.

Jeff still works away at good old UPS,
And he cut off his hair, every beautiful tress.

Jolene tends the bar at a local hotel,
She left Cosmo Prof, no more working in Hell.

Marley's growing so fast, and likes to bite.
But she's just so cute, that keep her, we might.

She answers to lots, but mostly the Moo,
We can't wait till October, when she'll already be 2.

Sam's almost finished with ultrasound classes,
When he's all done, he'll x-ray the masses.

Holly works at Jo Ann's, and makes a whole lot of crafts,
How creative she is will leave you aghast.

Heidi spends lots of time both at work and at play,
And has moved a few times, since divorce came her way.

The best news is we haven't killed each other yet,
Here's to hoping 2012 is a year free of regrets.

Rambling.

I have been a horrible blogger as of late. There are topics swimming around in my head constantly, but as soon as I sit down to write, my mind just goes blank. It's unfortunate.

So we'll see where this post goes.

There are only 9 days until Christmas, people. NINE FREAKING DAYS. Needless to say, I'm nowhere near prepared. And I really have no excuse, since the number of gifts I'm buying this year was largely reduced due to the lack of husband/in-laws.

I would be lying if I said that this first year facing the holidays as a divorcee hasn't been hard. I've been surrounded by good friends and family, and constantly busy with activities, work, and Christmas parties. But I still feel like something is missing.

Christmas time last year was strained. It felt forced. We bought each other great presents, and spent time with our respective families, but I knew the feeling wasn't there. I feel like we both tried to put some effort in, and I'm grateful to my ex husband for knowing that Christmas and holidays mean a lot to me and for trying, throughout our issues.

I've found myself wondering recently if perhaps going through the motions in a far from happy marriage isn't better than wishing you weren't alone for the holidays. Now, I know this is faulty logic. I only wonder these things late at night, or while celebrating with friends who all happen to be married.

And although the previous sentiment might say otherwise, I feel like I'm finally at the point that I'm really ok and ready to move on. I've been thinking about divorce in general a lot more than usual lately, partly because of the holidays, and as I have good friends that are dealing with the pain of it.

I've come to the conclusion that all divorce stems from selfishness, on one or both parts. Feel free to argue that all you want, but in the circumstances I've been in, and have seen, that's the underlying problem. And I don't necessarily mean selfishness in the way that you don't love the other person, or that you don't want them to be happy. I suppose the kind of selfishness to which I'm referring is more made up of omissions-failure to act on improving a situation, perhaps because you don't know that what the other person needs is different from what you think is right. Or perhaps because you think that your partner should want and need attention in the way that you are willing to give. I'll be the first to admit that I'm guilty of both these things. It seems, though, that when a marriage has been suffering through this for too long, that people just give up. And honestly, nothing makes me more sad.

When it comes down to it, that's what I've decided marriage is: stepping outside of yourself and offering selflessly what the other person needs, whether you understand it or not, and even though it's the hardest thing to do some days.

And I really hope that someday, whether it's next year or in twenty years, I can find a marriage like that. And I hope that my ex husband does too.

We all deserve to be happy.

Sorry that this post was all over the place. I'm a little scatter brained today. (ok, every day.)
Hopefully it made sense, and was not taken in the wrong way by anybody.


Anyway...Bye!

Is that cake??

I don't know about anybody else, but this about sums up my Thanksgiving weekend:

 Except it was more like, 

"Oh snap, is that stuffing??"

"Oh snap, is that pecan pie??"

"Oh snap, is that cornbread??"

"Oh snap, are those mashed potatoes, that I don't even like but am going to shove into my face anyway??"

All. Weekend. Long. 

But it's back on the bandwagon today.

The rest of my weekend consisted of our yearly Thanksgiving trip to the zoo, where my brother had me pose with the giant metal monkey for my family picture. (since I'm the only child without my own family unit. real funny, huh?)

Doesn't Marley look thrilled?

We saw The Muppets, and I pretty much giggled with delight the whole movie.

If you haven't seen it, do so immediately. 

I crafted with my friend, Tjanna.We hit up the local Goodwill, and made some necklace/scarves out of old men's t-shirts. I made this black and white one, and a grey, white, and mustard one. Thank you for the idea, Pinterest.

(If you attempt this project, either be smarter than I am, and Google a tutorial first thing, or have a bottle of Xanax ready.)

Time was spent with friends and family, shopping, meeting new people, having a fire, going out to dinner, sleeping in, dipping our feet in the hot tub, lots of visiting and laughing, cutting hair, and wishing that Monday would never come. 

But it did. And I may or may not have cursed my alarm clock this morning.

On a completely different note, one of my favorite traditions in my family is our Thanksgiving tablecloth. Each year, we lay out the same cloth tablecloth, with a handful of Sharpies, and whoever comes to dinner that year writes what they're thankful for. 

It's fun to look back and see what we were thankful for in the past 10 years since the tradition started. I just love it.

What's your favorite holiday tradition?

Blessed

 (*Disclaimer* This goes along the same lines of my last post. That was completely unintentional)

It's that time of year. The time of year where everybody in the blog/Facebook world post the things that they are grateful for. So, here goes.

This year has been the worst year of my life. I could say that there have been ups and downs, which would be true. But the downs have outweighed the ups by a large percentage. I've been trying to think so hard about what I'm grateful for this year. At first, I drew a huge blank. For days, I've struggled to find something about this year that I could thank my Heavenly Father for.

And then suddenly, it struck me how blessed I have been through, and because of this trial.

I'm grateful for parents who held me while I cried, packed up my things for me, drove me to Utah and back because I couldn't handle Mesa anymore. I'm grateful for a mom who, when I stumbled across wedding pictures or memories I hadn't destroyed yet, silently took them out of the room, and came back without them. I always knew that my parents loved me. But after everything they've been through with me, I have a better idea of just how much.

I am grateful for friends that talked to me on the phone for hours, even though they live states away.

I am grateful for Mallory, who doesn't hate me when I get mad at her because I'm hangry. (Angry hunger. it's the worst), who has completely different points of view than me, but loves me anyway and teaches me that it's ok to not see eye to eye, and who wears the same size clothes and dresses me when I feel less than cute.

I am grateful for Kelsey and Heather, who are my two biggest fans, and I am theirs. Without them coming to stay the night with me in my empty apartment, having dance parties and picnics in the park, I would have gone crazy.

I am grateful for my sense of humor.

I am grateful that I have things I'm passionate about, even though they're as silly as cupcakes and my favorite band. 

I am grateful for people who took me in-members of my ward who offered me a room to live in, my Aunt who selflessly let me move in with her after that, a hilarious group of friends who, without knowing it, helped me feel like myself again.

And even though I hate divorce, and still have a day every now and again where the word seems to weigh me down. I am grateful that it happened. And no, I'm not just saying that to seem like I'm so positive. I'm still cynical. I still wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. 

But I am grateful that I learned that I am stronger than I thought and that I have a Savior who loves me and has atoned for my sins. I am grateful that I don't have to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me. I am grateful that I have the choice to be happy, regardless of my marital status, weight, or financial situation.

No, I don't always remember these things and feel this way, despite how much I try to.
But 'tis the season.

So today, I am grateful.