Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Let me tell you a little story.

There once was a blogger named Kenz (Interiors by Kenz), and a non-blogger named Heidi. They became fast internet friends. Some might say internet soul mates. Kenz invited Heidi to a rendezvous in Disneyland for a day. Happiness ensued, deep friendships were formed. The magic of Disneyland does amazing things.
After hearing that Heidi had thought about moving to Utah for years (but was constantly making excuses not to), Kenz graciously invited her to move into their home in West Jordan, UT. She even went so far as to book Heidi a job interview. The job was offered, and then quickly accepted, and in a 12 day span, Heidi quit her job, packed up her little Honda, drove for 11 hours straight by herself for the first time, and drastically altered her life. 

Cool story, huh? That brings us to now. I've been living in Utah for two weeks tomorrow. I wish I could say it was easy. In some ways, the transition was flawless. I immediately stepped into a new job at an excellent company that treats me well. Mekenzie and her husband have so kindly taken me under their wings, introduced me to their friends, and taken every step possible to ensure that I'm comfortable here. In a lot of ways, I am comfortable here. 

Yet in a lot of ways, I'm also uncomfortable here. I'm scared to make friends. I haven't ever had a problem making friends, but I feel so incredibly out of my element. I miss my family. I miss Kelsey and Heather. I want to cry thinking about the Backstreet Boys concert I have tickets to and am missing. Judge me all you want guys, but it's the BACKSTREET BOYS. I don't know what I'm doing here. I guess I'm doing the same thing I was in Arizona. Working. Living. I guess no matter where I live, I should probably develop some goals to help me feel as if I have some purpose.

My new friend Karl said something that has really stuck with me. He said, "You would not have come out here if you were really happy with where you were at." He's right. In hindsight, it's easy to romanticize the life I was living in Arizona, but I wasn't any happier than I am here. Maybe location can't change my happiness, but I need to remember that with this fresh start I'm taking, I have a huge opportunity to grow and find happiness in myself.

 I don't know why I moved to Utah. I don't know if there's a reason, or if I'll hate it and move back in 6 months. All I know, I guess, is that I need to pick myself up and take control of my happiness and future, and stop waiting for it to come to me. What better way than starting over somewhere new? 

Wish me luck. Or don't. I don't want to tell you what to do.

Friday, May 24, 2013

How I Came To Love My Body

I've mentioned several times on this blog that I've been on a long journey to get healthy. I'm very happy to report that I've lost 41 pounds. There is a kickboxing class that I regularly attend at my gym. A couple of weeks ago, the instructor yelled out in the middle of class that she needed to see me afterwards. When we spoke, she told me that she had asked the managers of that 24 Hour Fitness if they could "feature" me as a Group X Success Story. They regularly post before and after pictures of personal training clients that have lost a significant amount of weight, and she wants to show people that by attending group classes, the same success is possible.

Isabelle (the instructor) explained that the "feature" would include a before and after picture, and a brief summary of my weight loss journey. I agreed to do it, and as soon as I left and got to my car, felt an intense array of emotions. On the one hand, I felt proud that my weight loss had been noticed. I've been aware of it, and extremely happy with my accomplishments, but to know that somebody else recognized what I saw in myself was a huge compliment.

A bigger part of me was scared, though. Did I want my fattest picture hanging on the wall of a very busy gym? Could I even be considered a success story, when I am still far from my goal? The inadequacy and worry that I felt far outweighed the excitement.

Isabelle messaged me shortly after for the pictures, and asked me to explain how I felt when I joined the gym, how weight loss has changed my life, what classes I take now, and why I work out now. This was my answer:
I'd had a membership to 24 in the past, but had stopped going, and steadily gained weight. When I finally came back, I decided to try out the classes, specifically kickboxing and Zumba. I would hang out in the back row, and had to take breaks frequently. After a year and a half of regularly coming to kickboxing, Zumba, and spin classes, I've lost 41 pounds. I now try to get as close to the front of the class as possible, and can do two classes in a row without a problem. Working out has become my passion. It's something that I do because I've learned to love my body and what it's capable of, thanks to the help of amazing instructors, and motivation from other people in the classes. What started as going to classes to lose weight has turned into a whole new lifestyle that I love. I can honestly say that I will never look like the girl in the before picture again.
While writing that, it became clear to me that for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I love my body. I've weighed 40 pounds less than I do now. I've weighed 40 pounds more. And it is with great pride that I can say I'm in the best shape of my life.
I don't say that to brag (ok, maybe a little), but because this truth that I've learned has changed my life forever:
Weight is just a number. My self worth is not tied to it. My level of fitness is not tied to it.
In the last year and a half, I've reached goals I never thought possible. I ran 3 miles today. The last time I ran was a year and a half ago, and after 90 seconds, I thought I would die. Sometimes I walk into the gym, and think that people might look at me and see somebody that has 30 pounds to lose. And the other day, I realized that it DOES NOT MATTER.
What matters is that as I've grabbed the reigns and taken control of my health, and simply learned to take care of my body, I have reached new heights, and gained a desire to reach even higher. What matters is that as I've learned what this body that I have been given is capable of,  I am proud of it and I have learned to love it.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Dunder Mifflin

Like millions of people in the world, I have a deep love and appreciation for The Office. I've loved this show since the beginning, and while anticipating the series finale, I had been doing a lot of reflecting on my favorite moments. I know, it's just a TV show. But it's one of those shows that makes me laugh and cry, has fantastic relationships that I can live vicariously through, and characters that I feel connected to through years and years of watching them grow.

That being said, I bring you:

Things I Learned From The Office:

1.  If you enjoy breakfast in bed and like waking up to the smell of bacon,  you should probably get a servant, or a spouse to make it for you, and avoid putting a George Foreman grill at the foot of your bed.

2. If you have a Mexican food potluck to go to and nothing to bring, just grab a bottle of lemonade, and write "Mexican" on the label.

3. When you like somebody, and are under the impression that they do not reciprocate the feeling (because maybe they're engaged), kiss them, and kiss them good. By good, I mean the kind of kiss that, had it been aired on national television, would make all of the women in the world swoon and cry. Then, move far away.

4. Always look on the bright side of things:

Jan: Michael, you are currently number 4 of the 5 branches that I oversee.

Michael: Top 80%!

5. Being friend zoned might not always be the end of things, but also never settle for somebody who doesn't love you as much as Jim loves Pam. (I mean, you can do whatever you want, but I want JAM kind of love.)

6. NEVER take an iPod to a small present exchange at your work Christmas party.

7. Never forget your pita in the toaster oven.  Especially if your name is Ryan.

 8. Take any opportunity to make a good "that's what she said" joke.


9.  The eyes are the groin of the head.

10. Sometimes the person that think you need the least is there for you when you need it most.

11. There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things.

I realize that there are a million and one things that I left out, and characters that didn't get mentioned. I have so many more favorites, and don't think that the season finale could have been any more perfect. I shed a few tears, but I take comfort in knowing that the Dunder Mifflin crew will be available to lift my spirits with just a push of a button on my DVD player.

What were your favorite Office moments?

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Can we just talk about how much I love Jimmy Fallon?

And more importantly, how much I love John Krasinski and his beard and every other thing about him?
Like, it kind of hurts my heart how perfect he is.
Just watch this and enjoy, ok? Happy Wednesday.


Sunday, April 21, 2013

A Parable of Sorts

This past weekend was incredibly rad.

It started with seeing The Postal Service play at Comerica with my friend Ben. To say that I'm wildly in love with Benjamin Gibbard  (the lead singer of The Postal Service) would be the understatement of the century.

Then on Friday, I had the opportunity to fly to L.A. and meet my internet friend Kenz (who runs a fantastic blog here) and her husband and friends, and go to Disneyland.

I am not exaggerating when I say that Kenz and her husband are two of the nicest, most selfless people that I have ever met. They're also the most fun. 

Now I'm going to tell you the parable of Heidi and California. 

If you recall, last year, I planned a trip to San Diego to go see my favorite band. I took time off of work, we got a hotel, and tickets to the show. It was to be a grand time.

On the way, the friend who decided to drive got pulled over, and unbeknownst to him, had a suspended license. The result of this was a very hot, uncomfortable ride in the back of a police car, and several hours stuck at the Yuma DMV while the driver friend tried to un-impound his car to no avail. (For the record, I had a fantastic attitude about this. I deserve a  good attitude medal.)

After a long, hot, car-less day, my dad was finally able to pick us up and take us back to Mesa. We missed the concert, and lost our hotel reservations. Despite my great attitude, I was horribly sad. Motion City Soundtrack (the band we were to see) was on tour, and for some reason had left Arizona off of their tour list. I wouldn't be able to see them. This probably makes no sense to normal people, but I was majorly bummed out.

Fast forward a couple of months. Taking Back Sunday (another band I love) was coming on tour, and playing in the valley. Motion City Soundtrack announced that they would be stopping with TBS in once city only, and that city was none other than Tempe, Arizona. Naturally, I bought tickets, and had an even better time seeing both bands than I would have if I had seen just MCS alone.

Fast forward again. (If you're still following. I have a point, I promise.)

A few weeks ago, one of my best friends and I had plans to go to Disneyland. We were so excited. Unfortunately, when we got to the hotel, my friend got terribly sick, and the next morning, we made the decision to turn around and come back. I was disappointed, but what can you do?  At least we got to stop at some awesome outlets on the way back, and I bought myself way too many things.

On the way home, Kenz sent me a message inviting me to meet them in Disneyland this weekend. I had some extra funds from not going as planned, so I made a rash decision, bought a plane ticket, and obviously just spent a great day there. While I wish that we had been able to go as planned a few weeks ago, I was able to cultivate friendships with amazing people this weekend, that perhaps will have some sway in decisions I'm making for the future. Stay tuned.

I've been thinking about these two events a lot recently. While both were based around pretty trivial things, I can't help but wonder if there's a lesson I'm to be learning. Maybe there is no lesson, and it's all just been coincidence. Whatever the case is, it's helped me to develop a testimony that when things fall apart, something of equal or greater value will come along. Perhaps it won't always be in as obvious of circumstances, but I'm grateful to know that these tender mercies from the Lord do exist. Hopefully I can just remember that the next time disaster strikes. :)

This might be the cheesiest thing I've ever written, but dreams do come true, guys. Even if it's not in the way that we want them to.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

I lived.

I feel sad for this neglected little blog. I think about blogging a lot, but obviously never let those thoughts come to fruition. I'm sure most people have forgotten about the bliggity-blog, but if you're here- WHAT UP! So glad you stopped by!

Anyway, on to the real stuff. Today I had some down time, so I decided to go through my box of important documents. Here's the thing about this box-it's a disaster. I have yet to meet somebody less organized than I am. There are little dividers with labels for "insurance" and "work" and "blah blah blah", but I generally just shove all papers in the back-75% of which are envelopes from my insurance or bank statements that I've never opened. (I promise in some aspects of my life I'm a responsible adult.)

Amidst the unpaid photo radar ticket from 2009, last year's leftover Valentine's, divorce papers, and other important documents, I found a list that I started and never finished (SURPRISE!) of 101 things I wanted to accomplish in 1001 days. I only got to #84. It's cool, I never finish anything.

Reading through it though, I was surprised to find how many things I wrote that I've accomplished without even recalling that I'd listed them anywhere. Examples would be:

 Throw a party with an awesome theme
 Jerah and I had an Elf themed party in December, complete with sugary spaghetti.

Go to the gym 20x in one month
Done. Like, 14 times.
Buy new running shoes.
Plan a budget and stick to it.
Go to UT to visit friends.
 See 5 bands I haven't seen before
I did that in February alone.
Clean out my closet

I just realized that everything I have accomplished on the list is incredibly boring. That's depressing.

Then there were the things I have literally no desire to do anymore:

Do my hair differently every day for 7 days.
Watch Lord of the Rings trilogy. 
 What? No, thanks.

And things that I'm in the process of doing:

Grow hair below collarbones
Go to Disneyland
Less than two weeks away!
Read 15 new books
Save (x) amount of money
Go to both Kelsey and Heather's graduations no matter what
Reach my goal wait 
38 pounds down. LIKE A BOSS.
And the things I still want:

Take a hip hop class
Go out of state to see a band
Help give a family Christmas
Buy a beach cruiser
Run a 5K
Read scriptures every day

Now that I've typed this all out, I have really no idea why I thought I needed to blog about this, or where I want to take this post. So bare with me.

Recently, One Republic came out with a song that I've really fallen in love with. It says,

Hope that you spend your days
But they all add up
And when that sun goes down
Hope you raise your cup

I wish that I could witness
All your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes
I'll say...

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second
That this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

I think the reason that I love it so much is because it completely expresses how I feel about my life at this point. To be honest, I don't have many friends. I spend more time at work and the gym than I spend at home. But at the same time, I am determined to fill this year with things that allow me to say " I LIVED". I guess that's why finding that list was so significant to me today.

And now that I have a new lappy-top, I'll actually be blogging about the life that I'm living. I know, you're just jumping up and down with excitement. I can hardly contain myself either.

Welp, that's all. Peace out, yo!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

How I feel about The Office filming their very last episode this week: