I've been trying to figure myself out lately. I thought I had gotten that taken care of years ago.
Turns out I didn't..or if I did, I'm at a spot in my life where I feel the need to be rediscovered.
You see, I don't want to be labeled as divorcee. That word tastes bad on my tongue. I despise it. It does not define me. It is not who I am.
But still, it is something that has happened to me. Something that has drawn scars on my heart and added even more worry to my already fearful thoughts. It has made me unsure of who I am and what I believe.
I have spent so many hours wondering how to overcome this, and be myself again without this label tattooed on my forehead. To be quite frank, I'm through with mourning over my failed marriage. I know I did things wrong, I know he did things wrong. And I know it's over, so why look back?
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I will lay in bed and cry all day on what would have been our year anniversary in 9 days... But most days, I am eager to get on with my life and to find happiness in a healthy relationship.
To me, a 9 month long marriage is more like a bad breakup with paperwork. In my heart, I know that I can pick up the pieces, be strong, and carry on.
But my fear is that others will look at me and see a broken marriage, and therefore assume there is a broken person underneath my happy exterior. And there is not. I am strong and I am a fighter.
But the thought of that label still haunts me.