Ok, maybe I slightly overreacted. I tend to do that on days when my anxiety peaks.
Yesterday, I was feeling very down about myself. I've been having difficulty lately recognizing any self worth.
When I went to see my counselor last night, I didn't tell him that I'd spent the day putting myself down. I have a hard time expressing in person to anybody that I'm feeling down-I've always been the perky, happy one and I feel like people expect that of me, and generally I don't mind.
Anyway, I'll get to the point. Without him knowing how I'd spent my day, he proceeded to tell me that he really enjoys my personality-that I have a way about me that invites people in, makes them feel comfortable, and helps dispell the lie in their head that they are worthless. He then said that is one of the greatest gifts one could give.
Hearing somebody else acknowledge a positive trait of mine without me having to seek out said acknowledgement really lifted my spirits, and instilled a little bit of the worth I've been seeking.
We also talked about the same thing we spend most of our time talking about-how I need to learn to set boundaries in my life. I recognized that one of the liabilities of being the kind of person that people feel they can open up to easily, is that once they've attached on to me, I feel bad setting the boundaries that are needed in any relationship. This has been happening quite frequently in my life lately, and it's been very draining. So my homework is to be able to establish limits in those relationships, because the lack of them is a huge cause of my anxiety.
And although it sounds ridiculous to talk about needing boundaries on a blog, I think that this is where I'll start.
Because I do need to recognize that it's ok if I don't blog every day. It's ok to be myself and not get dragged into trying to fit in. Because like Amy said in her comment on my last post, it is way more fun to be a reject. And I like who I am.
So, I apologize for the rant. Thank you for your kind words. And I should be back to my normal self now-except I'm not just going to blog because I feel like I have to. I'll only blog when I actually have something to say. (Which is frequently-I talk way too much.)
Ok the end.