Friday, August 19, 2011

Death Vs. Divorce

A few months ago, right after my ex husband left, one of my friend's husbands was killed in an accident, while she was almost due to have their first child.

I went to the funeral, and as I was hugging her afterwards, she said she was sorry about my divorce, and had heard that divorce was worse than death.

I don't remember how I responded outwardly, but in my head I was thinking, "Say whaaaat?!"

Since that day, I've thought about what she said a lot. Obviously, both situations suck, but would I rather have my husband die unexpectedly, or leave me?

The plus side to death is that you know your husband still loves you. He did not choose to leave you. You are not left wondering what is so wrong with you, that the person who vowed to be with you for eternity couldn't even last a year.

On the other hand, moving on and letting go would be so much more difficult for those reasons. I would have a harder time wanting to find and love somebody else, because the person that I loved who loved me back, would be waiting on the other side. But you don't want to spend the next 60 years alone either.

So, here is my question:

Obviously, you'd never choose either.
But if you had to..

Death or divorce?


  1. Well, not going to lie. After dating for 2 years and living with Mr. T, then moving out and such, I honestly wish he was dead. Not in a malicious manner. Just in a way that I could move on. And along with them leaving, there's the fear of them choosing to be with somebody else. And it's not like you won't eventually hear about how great his next serious relationship is. And then going through everything over and over again, and why is she better, why didn't he love me enough. Yeah, I would choose death.

  2. I say death is way better than divorce. At least in our religion, we always have this knowledge that we will see them again and that things will be great. With divorce, there is less of a feeling of "it was just his time" and more of a feeling of failure. In my divorce class in law school, we discussed how divorce almost always led people to more unhappiness.

    As far as dating someone though, I would much rather date a girl that was divorced than one that was widowed. I can't compete with some dead husband. And if she is sealed to him, well, I am SOL. My grandma married her current husband over 30 years ago but she remains sealed to her first husband (my grandpa). Her second husband is sealed to nobody.

    Don't get me wrong, they both sound pretty harsh. But I think divorce is harder than death of a spouse.

    Love Tripp

  3. Neither but I think there both hard to deal with. That girl obviously didn't know what she was talking about. She didnt know what you were going through. You are a very nice person for not going crazy. Her emotions were probably all messed up, she was pregnant and a widow so you cant take that to heart. You will find someone better in no time.

  4. Death. I have thought a lot about this. Even recently. I would definitely rather have my husband die which may sound really bad, but because we know that life does not just end with death, there is a peace and an understanding that comes with death that divorce does not bring. Don't get me wrong, both are awful. But I think the pain from divorce is something far worse and unsetteling than death. But then again I only have experience with one...

  5. Wow, that's really thought-provoking. I would definitely say death, because oh how much I love my husband. It sure would be difficult, but I'm sure about my decision. :)