Monday, August 22, 2011

Life Lessons 101

I learned several valuable life lessons over this past weekend, so I thought I'd share the wealth of knowledge I gained with you.

Lesson #1:

I can not bowl.

Really. I bowled a 40. In one game. A FORTY.
You may be asking yourself how this information is important. It's really not relevant to anybody's life but my own, actually. But perhaps it will help you in some small way feel better about yourself, because, let's be honest: nobody can suck at bowling worse than me. I also learned that I'm ok with failing. Maybe that's a huge character flaw, and I should be trying to improve when I fail miserably, but whatever. You can't win 'em all.

Lesson #2:

Eternal Marriage lessons in church don't bother me anymore.

This is huge.

Ever since my ex husband left, I haven't been able to sit through a lesson on marriage. It stings. It makes tears come out of my face. I generally have to leave, or bite my tongue to hold back from making some cynical comment. (Let's be honest, I have to bite my tongue during ANY lesson.)
When they announced that eternal marriage was the topic in Relief Society on Sunday, I immediately texted my best friend a text of rage (in all caps, mind you) about how stupid this topic is.
But I made it. I didn't feel anger. I didn't feel pain. The only time I wanted to punch somebody in the face was when a girl commented that the only reason for divorce is infidelity.
After the lesson, somebody asked me about my failed marriage and this was my answer:

I do not regret marrying my ex husband. I don't think that it was the wrong thing to do. I have always believed that two people can, and should, work things out to the best of their ability. I was willing to do that, and wanted to stay married. But the truth that I realized during the lesson was that, no matter the time, place, or person, the bottom line is that each of you have free agency. And in my situation, my ex husband did what he thought was right and used his free agency to leave.

But for the first time since the divorce, I realized this, and realized that I will be ok. And I am happy.

Moving on.

Lesson #3:

Single life is fun.

Seriously, maybe it's the new group of friends I've gotten myself into, or maybe it's just that I'm resurrecting the awesomeness in me that I lost for a while, but I am having a blast. And I'm realizing that even though loneliness sometimes hits me, I gots to make the best of what I have. And right now that's a whole lot of free time to do whatever I want. Word to your mother. (I just wanted to say that...)

The funny thing is, most of my friends in the group are married-which just reassures me that when I get married again, life doesn't have to cease being fun. (When I was married, it was all TV and movies.) Note to self: Marry somebody as crazy as me.

And there you have it, folks.

I'm quite delighted that the quality of my life is improving as my attitude does.


  1. "the only reason for divorce is infidelity."
    UGH UGH UGH!!!


    Kudos to you for being the one who walked a road less traveled and came back to tell the real story of divorce, unlike other, ignorant counterparts. I'm super happy that you sat through the lesson without punching someone or crying. I know how that feels to sit through lessons you think are bull, if only in the smallest sense by comparison. It shows you are overcoming, and that's always a nice feeling, even if next week you do punch somebody.

    It occurred to me that I think I'm really glad for you that he left the marriage - I'm more than certain he did you a favor in leaving. ;) He was taking up space where something better could grow.

    Love you! -Ashley

  2. Lol I still want to punch people in the face for being ignorant

  3. You are strong are are are beautiful.

  4. Haha oh Heidi you make me laugh. I bowled a 67 the other day and felt like a complete failure. Also I'm so happy you now feel the way you do. Single life is da bomb and you are an inspiration to us all. When did you get so wise?

  5. This post makes me happy. Thought you should know :)

  6. I have no clue how I stumbled onto your blog and I don't usually comment BUT I just have to say - YOU GO GIRL! I am sure that you have heard over and over that you are young and there will be someone else and I am sure that it doesn't seem that way, however, there will be! I have just recently divorced after 20 years of trying to make someone happy, it is true what you say, if both parties are not committed to making things work, they are not going to. I too gave up myself to be a wife and raise 4 children (only one of which I gave birth to) only to be slammed down in my 50s. I was devastated at first for all the same reasons as you, guess it doesn't matter what age we are! Let me tell you, I am having so much fun and taking all the vacations that he would never take with me, yes, I do get lonely but never again will I lose myself! You will heal and when you are ready, God will help you find the person that will love and cherish you! Onward and Upward! Best wishes and much happiness! Julie