Monday, October 17, 2011

I never finish anyth

Life has been grand lately. I keep extremely busy, I have great friends, I just got a new calling in the Fellowshipping committee. I've been to the zoo, Out of Africa and Jerome in the past week and a half, celebrated my favorite (and only) niece's first birthday, and life has been extremely happy. I'm even off of my depression medicine.

But there is still that one thing nagging at the back of my mind...the need to lose weight and feel better about myself.

We all struggle with this at some point in our lives. I know I'm not alone. But it's gotten to the point that I can't handle it anymore.

So I devised a plan. I won't go into the extent of it, but let's just say it excludes any sugar/bread and includes more protein and vegetables than I've ever consumed. And I'm really pumped about this.

Today was my first day and I didn't even kill anybody. In fact, I've been off Dr. Pepper for a whole three weeks (ok, I cheated once), but I didn't die. So my confidence in myself is growing and so is my excitement.

But in the back of my mind, I'm full of doubt. Here's why:
I have a beautiful, lovely, smart, and observant 15 year old cousin. A few months ago she said to me, after I changed the song in the car 30 seconds before it ended (as I always do),

"Heidi, you NEVER finish anything you start."
(I saw this picture on pinterest and thought of myself.)

I was kind of mad, so I argued that such a statement was indeed false. In short, she won that argument.

I realized that she was completely right. I DON'T finish anything I start. I can't even do the dishes without getting bored halfway through, which gives me anxiety, so I stop.

The only thing I've ever finished in life is school. And the occasional book. I didn't even finish my marriage. (People try to tell me that doesn't really apply, the circumstances were different. But it matters to me.)

So I'm terrified that I'm going to quit. Which is even worse than failing.
It's ironic that the fear of quitting may be the thing to make me quit.
But I really, really want this.

So, wish me luck. Hopefully this won't be like the training for the 5K, or the hCG diet, or the other ridiculous things that I've never followed through with. I'll hopefully update on the subject frequently to keep myself motivated.

Until then, have a happy week!

4 comments:

  1. It's hard to get in the mind set of sticking to something. But if you want to make something a habit it doesn't mean you are perfect at it overnight. You work on it. I am trying to lose weight too and I know I have wanted to given up. Or taken a week off, but I start again and it's not a failure unless there is no hope. So good luck and don't let others try to make you feel bad about it.

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  2. I've been the same way. I mainly don't finish things because I'm scared to? Not sure.. haha when I was younger I LOVED running, but after I moved here it stopped, completely. I've always been like "Oh I miss running" or "Oh I wanna start running again" but it never happens. I'll run once and thats it. I'll be 'too busy' or 'hurt too much' or whatever excuse I give myself. I am very serious about it this time and really MAKING myself run. I run 3 times a week. Well, last week was the first week haha but I did again yesterday! And even though tomorrow is my bday, I plan on running. Just make yourself, you know youll feel better after : )

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  3. Sydney Brake DonaldsonOctober 18, 2011 at 2:46 PM

    I feel your pain, sista. But you've done this all before. You know what your body is capable of. I have no doubt in my mind that you can do it. I remember when you lost weight in high school and you were telling me some of the things you did and how disciplined you were, like measuring your food and spending an hour on the elliptical every day. That is dedication, and I know you have that in you still!

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  4. You know, this reminded me of me... You & I are alike when it comes to starting something but never finishing it.. INCLUDING marriage. Which is why I AM scared as well. But you my dear are strong, happy & someone that I look up to & know that you can do anything. So keep your chin up dear friend :)
    I am always here for you.

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