Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Blessed

 (*Disclaimer* This goes along the same lines of my last post. That was completely unintentional)

It's that time of year. The time of year where everybody in the blog/Facebook world post the things that they are grateful for. So, here goes.

This year has been the worst year of my life. I could say that there have been ups and downs, which would be true. But the downs have outweighed the ups by a large percentage. I've been trying to think so hard about what I'm grateful for this year. At first, I drew a huge blank. For days, I've struggled to find something about this year that I could thank my Heavenly Father for.

And then suddenly, it struck me how blessed I have been through, and because of this trial.

I'm grateful for parents who held me while I cried, packed up my things for me, drove me to Utah and back because I couldn't handle Mesa anymore. I'm grateful for a mom who, when I stumbled across wedding pictures or memories I hadn't destroyed yet, silently took them out of the room, and came back without them. I always knew that my parents loved me. But after everything they've been through with me, I have a better idea of just how much.

I am grateful for friends that talked to me on the phone for hours, even though they live states away.

I am grateful for Mallory, who doesn't hate me when I get mad at her because I'm hangry. (Angry hunger. it's the worst), who has completely different points of view than me, but loves me anyway and teaches me that it's ok to not see eye to eye, and who wears the same size clothes and dresses me when I feel less than cute.

I am grateful for Kelsey and Heather, who are my two biggest fans, and I am theirs. Without them coming to stay the night with me in my empty apartment, having dance parties and picnics in the park, I would have gone crazy.

I am grateful for my sense of humor.

I am grateful that I have things I'm passionate about, even though they're as silly as cupcakes and my favorite band. 

I am grateful for people who took me in-members of my ward who offered me a room to live in, my Aunt who selflessly let me move in with her after that, a hilarious group of friends who, without knowing it, helped me feel like myself again.

And even though I hate divorce, and still have a day every now and again where the word seems to weigh me down. I am grateful that it happened. And no, I'm not just saying that to seem like I'm so positive. I'm still cynical. I still wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. 

But I am grateful that I learned that I am stronger than I thought and that I have a Savior who loves me and has atoned for my sins. I am grateful that I don't have to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me. I am grateful that I have the choice to be happy, regardless of my marital status, weight, or financial situation.

No, I don't always remember these things and feel this way, despite how much I try to.
But 'tis the season.

So today, I am grateful.

3 comments:

  1. Heidi!

    This is Mindy from www.nikerunner.blogspot.com where the blog auction is going on! I am just writing to let you know that you won your bid on the blog design! To receive this service please pay your donation {you can do so by going to the blog and looking in the right-hand column}. Also, please email me at runaholic{at}gmail{dot}com so I can get your information to the woman who will design your blog! Thanks!

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  2. Dear Heidi,
    You inspire me. I don't know how after everything you've been through, you still manage to be happy you. You are one wonderful person and reading your grateful list reminds me of all the things that i am grateful for. Thank you for always being you.
    Love, Kelsi

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  3. "I am grateful that I have the choice to be happy, regardless of my marital status, weight, or financial situation." You've said it all sister and most people haven't figured this out yet!

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