Tuesday, August 30, 2011

An award!

The beautiful Sara at Struggling Happiness nominated me for this:

Apparently there are rules to accepting an award in blog land. Who knew?
They are as follows:

Thank the person for the award.

Dear Sara,
From the bottom of my heart I would like to thank you gifting me with this Versatile Blogger award, therefore reinforcing in my head that I am awesome.
You are even more awesome.
Love, Heidi

Share 7 things about myself. (because I KNOW none of you could possibly be tired of hearing me talk about myself.) So here goes:

1. In west Philadelphia, born and raised, on a playground is where I spent most of my days...ok, so maybe not. But I love pretending I can rap. Nicki Minaj may or may not be my new idol, even though she's sick-nasty.

2. Sometimes people say I'm unintentionally mean. But if somebody is chewing loudly in my ear, or looks like a creeper with a mustache, I'm going to tell them. So sue me.

3. I'm attempting to replicate this color in my hair again. What say you?

4. I very frequently use the term, "I'm going to punch somebody in the face." Apparently people think I'm REALLY violent and would actually do this. Just to take the opportunity to clarify: I've never punched anybody's face in my life. But the next person who takes me seriously may be the first.

5. When I go on a date with a man, I immediately do the iPod test. (without telling him what I'm doing, of course.) If he doesn't have at LEAST one of the following bands on his iPod, I'm more likely to question our compatibility: Brand New, Motion City Soundtrack, Weezer, Taking Back Sunday.
(Yes, I'm that crazy about my music.)

6. Kids generally hate me. Teenagers, on the other hand, LOVE me. Which is fine by me, because I tend to have mutual feelings. (Sorry, kids.)

7. I'm leaving to Oregon tomorrow morning to see this guy get married!

I can't wait to get out of this freaking heat.

OK, next rule is to nominate 5 people for this award!

I choose you, Pikachu! (I've actually never watched Pokemon in my life.)

These are the chosen ones:

Mallory @ Thoroughly Modern Mallory
Olive @ Little Lost Olive
Kylee @ A Seahorse and Her Moonfish
Alexandria @ Always Alexandria
Ashley @ This is My Story

(Blogger isn't letting me link to their blogs...sad day.)

Well, catch you on the flip side, AZ!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Life Lessons 101

I learned several valuable life lessons over this past weekend, so I thought I'd share the wealth of knowledge I gained with you.

Lesson #1:

I can not bowl.

Really. I bowled a 40. In one game. A FORTY.
You may be asking yourself how this information is important. It's really not relevant to anybody's life but my own, actually. But perhaps it will help you in some small way feel better about yourself, because, let's be honest: nobody can suck at bowling worse than me. I also learned that I'm ok with failing. Maybe that's a huge character flaw, and I should be trying to improve when I fail miserably, but whatever. You can't win 'em all.

Lesson #2:

Eternal Marriage lessons in church don't bother me anymore.

This is huge.

Ever since my ex husband left, I haven't been able to sit through a lesson on marriage. It stings. It makes tears come out of my face. I generally have to leave, or bite my tongue to hold back from making some cynical comment. (Let's be honest, I have to bite my tongue during ANY lesson.)
When they announced that eternal marriage was the topic in Relief Society on Sunday, I immediately texted my best friend a text of rage (in all caps, mind you) about how stupid this topic is.
But I made it. I didn't feel anger. I didn't feel pain. The only time I wanted to punch somebody in the face was when a girl commented that the only reason for divorce is infidelity.
After the lesson, somebody asked me about my failed marriage and this was my answer:

I do not regret marrying my ex husband. I don't think that it was the wrong thing to do. I have always believed that two people can, and should, work things out to the best of their ability. I was willing to do that, and wanted to stay married. But the truth that I realized during the lesson was that, no matter the time, place, or person, the bottom line is that each of you have free agency. And in my situation, my ex husband did what he thought was right and used his free agency to leave.

But for the first time since the divorce, I realized this, and realized that I will be ok. And I am happy.

Moving on.

Lesson #3:

Single life is fun.

Seriously, maybe it's the new group of friends I've gotten myself into, or maybe it's just that I'm resurrecting the awesomeness in me that I lost for a while, but I am having a blast. And I'm realizing that even though loneliness sometimes hits me, I gots to make the best of what I have. And right now that's a whole lot of free time to do whatever I want. Word to your mother. (I just wanted to say that...)

The funny thing is, most of my friends in the group are married-which just reassures me that when I get married again, life doesn't have to cease being fun. (When I was married, it was all TV and movies.) Note to self: Marry somebody as crazy as me.

And there you have it, folks.

I'm quite delighted that the quality of my life is improving as my attitude does.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Death Vs. Divorce

A few months ago, right after my ex husband left, one of my friend's husbands was killed in an accident, while she was almost due to have their first child.

I went to the funeral, and as I was hugging her afterwards, she said she was sorry about my divorce, and had heard that divorce was worse than death.

I don't remember how I responded outwardly, but in my head I was thinking, "Say whaaaat?!"

Since that day, I've thought about what she said a lot. Obviously, both situations suck, but would I rather have my husband die unexpectedly, or leave me?

The plus side to death is that you know your husband still loves you. He did not choose to leave you. You are not left wondering what is so wrong with you, that the person who vowed to be with you for eternity couldn't even last a year.

On the other hand, moving on and letting go would be so much more difficult for those reasons. I would have a harder time wanting to find and love somebody else, because the person that I loved who loved me back, would be waiting on the other side. But you don't want to spend the next 60 years alone either.

So, here is my question:

Obviously, you'd never choose either.
But if you had to..

Death or divorce?

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Self Confi-dunce

The past couple of weeks, I have been feeling extra down. All I want to do is sleep, and right when I look in the mirror in the morning, I begin my day by telling myself that I'm not worth it, that I'm not beautiful, that nobody will want me.

It's really quite destructive. I'm not saying this for the compliments-I'm simply informing you as a preface to the article I'm about to share.

I read it today when Zooey Deschanel shared it on Facebook, and the author is completely right. About everything.

Is it going to change my depression? Let's be honest, no. But I feel like maybe it can give me a glimmer of hope, or just a small push to take charge of my life and get out of this self destructive rut I'm in. I'll probably print it and keep it by my bed.

So, without further ado, please read and enjoy:


Monday, August 1, 2011


First things first-I've noticed a few new followers, and I just wanted to say hi! New followers are always greatly appreciated and welcomed. I wish you all cupcakes and sunshine.

Ok, now on to the real bid-nez. (that's my gangster way of saying business. I'm from the hood, in case you didn't know.)

I'd like to preface my little rant today with a picture that made me giggle because, quite frankly, although it's ridiculous, the concept is essentially true.
(click on the picture to read the fine print..)

Holy crap on a cracker, where do I even begin?

I guess I've always been a bit of a realist. I don't romanticize things as much as the average girl. Sure, I may be a tad bit too cynical for my own good, especially after my vast experience in the "getting hurt" area..but FRICK.

I've learned a lot through those experiences, and I can tell you that one of the biggest problems that exists in the dating/relationship field is exemplified by that picture.

We wonder why we can't find relationships that last...why the perfect partner never comes along...And I am here to tell you that it is because of lists like that.

You want somebody that will let you put a check mark next to every cute little thing on that check list? Then marry a woman.

Here is what happens:
You get in a relationship. It is great. You are so lovey and happy, and do everything perfectly.

Then reality sets in. And guess what?

Your boyfriend isn't going to be perfect 100% of the time.
Your husband is going to say really stupid things when you're crying, because he's thinking logically, when you want him to be thinking emotionally with you.
It may come out that he really doesn't like to cuddle..and he was just humoring you during your courtship.

Your wife isn't going to look pretty first thing in the morning, and she's probably an ugly crier.
She's not going to want you-know-what all the time.
Eventually, she's going to get pregnant, and be moody, and get..dare I say it? STRETCH MARKS.

But in my imperfect and humble opinion, this is what makes relationships great...
The fact that nobody is perfect. Nobody is going to do exactly what you want, exactly when you want it. Men can not read minds, and women try too hard to.
We piss each other off and then make up. He's not loving enough, and she lays on the love more than he can handle sometimes.

But that is what is going to make us grow. Not a perfect checklist.

Obviously, I'm not the expert on relationships. I mean, hi, I'm divorced.
And maybe some people's relationships are as perfect as they make it out to be on their blog.. (ha. yeah right.)

My point is, ladies and gents, throw away your list of Mr./Ms. Perfect, because no relationship can be founded on that.

Because those things go away, and at the end of the day, you still have to love each other, not despite imperfections, but because of them.

Sounds better than dying alone, doesn't it? :)