But there is still that one thing nagging at the back of my mind...the need to lose weight and feel better about myself.
We all struggle with this at some point in our lives. I know I'm not alone. But it's gotten to the point that I can't handle it anymore.
So I devised a plan. I won't go into the extent of it, but let's just say it excludes any sugar/bread and includes more protein and vegetables than I've ever consumed. And I'm really pumped about this.
Today was my first day and I didn't even kill anybody. In fact, I've been off Dr. Pepper for a whole three weeks (ok, I cheated once), but I didn't die. So my confidence in myself is growing and so is my excitement.
But in the back of my mind, I'm full of doubt. Here's why:
I have a beautiful, lovely, smart, and observant 15 year old cousin. A few months ago she said to me, after I changed the song in the car 30 seconds before it ended (as I always do),
"Heidi, you NEVER finish anything you start."
(I saw this picture on pinterest and thought of myself.)
I realized that she was completely right. I DON'T finish anything I start. I can't even do the dishes without getting bored halfway through, which gives me anxiety, so I stop.
The only thing I've ever finished in life is school. And the occasional book. I didn't even finish my marriage. (People try to tell me that doesn't really apply, the circumstances were different. But it matters to me.)
So I'm terrified that I'm going to quit. Which is even worse than failing.
It's ironic that the fear of quitting may be the thing to make me quit.
But I really, really want this.
So, wish me luck. Hopefully this won't be like the training for the 5K, or the hCG diet, or the other ridiculous things that I've never followed through with. I'll hopefully update on the subject frequently to keep myself motivated.
Until then, have a happy week!