Monday, October 1, 2012

A New Month, A New Resolve

If you've been reading my blog for a while, or have known me in real life for a while, you know that I lost a pretty decent amount of weight after high school. (60 pounds, NBD.)

And then got divorced, and gained it all back. Weight is a funny thing. I know it's something that almost everybody struggles with at some point, whether they want to lose it, or gain it. It seems like everybody is scared to talk about weight, myself included. For me, I think that talking about it makes it real. In my head, talking about it shouts to people, "Hey, I need to lose weight!", as if they can't see that themselves.

Everybody says that weight shouldn't matter. But the harsh reality is that it does. Maybe it matters for the wrong reasons-because the media has set this impossible standard that women feel the need to live up to, and because a large majority of guys have unrealistic expectations of women's bodies.

It should matter because for the right reasons. It should matter because our bodies are a gift from God, and we should take care of them by fueling them with the right kind of food, and keeping them active and healthy.

My list of reasons are a gigantic mixture of the shallow ones, and the right-minded ones. Of course I want to fit into my red skinny jeans, and feel comfortable approaching cute boys. But I also love the feeling I have after a hard work out, or when I'm eating my veggies, feeling SO proud of how I'm treating my body.

The hard part of all of this, is that even though I've been trying so hard this time around, changes haven't come. My clothes fit the same after two months of healthy eating and hitting the gym daily. My scale has literally not budged. And I'm frustrated. (Don't ask if I've checked my thyroid/hormones. I have. They're normal.)

So, with this start of a brand new month, I've made a new resolve to work even harder.  And I'm blogging about it, because anybody who knows me well, knows that I make resolutions and hardly ever keep them. Maybe blogging about it won't help, but I'm hoping it will. It would be really nice to have a friend who wanted to get in shape with me, but I don't have that. So, I'll be trying to keep myself accountable.

I've started 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels about 4 times, and I'm planning to start it again today. I made a calendar for the month, and planned out every single work out for the next 31 days. Shred 6 days a week, and cardio/weights at the gym 3-4 times a week.

The hardest part about this is that I've decided to cut sugar completely out of my diet, Monday through Fridays, and limit myself to one small treat on Saturdays and Sundays. I tend to grab a piece of dark chocolate after lunch, or justify a cherry limeade from Sonic the day after the Cardinals win, because it's all day Happy Hour, and those little "rewards" add up.

So here we go. Again. I'm ready to kick October in the face.

P.S. If anybody wants to kick October in the face with me, I'd seriously love a motivational buddy. That's all.

Happy October!